if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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