in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
