Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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