i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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