It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
