Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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