Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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