just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
