Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
