It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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