ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
