I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
