After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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