I puked a lego.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
