Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
