I just made out with a guy for $7.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We just shotgunned beers for America
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
