I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
