i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
