so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
