I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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