We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
