we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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