i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
