I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
