They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
