Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
