She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
