based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
