My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My vagina is officially offended.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
