He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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