my sisters under your porch take her home
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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