friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
