he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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