i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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