i need an iv and a liver transplant
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
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