Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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