just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
