I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
