You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize