I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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