I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
