Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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