don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
