He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
