she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
you had me at cake vodka
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
