And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
