Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize