the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
