Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
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