So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
