we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
