i don't like sucking hair
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
