Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
