And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
