It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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