Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
