just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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