Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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