your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
