You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
