Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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