I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
