Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
