just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
so let's talk penis.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
