i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
