alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
