is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
