what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
