and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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