Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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