who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
