you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
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