He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
